Recently I was in conversation with a potential client.
She was an interior designer whose business wasn't going well.
While I strive to establish clear boundaries in my discovery calls, I was overcome by her venting.
She jumped in about a history of financial challenges and a lawsuit that cost a
lot.
She complained about poor client fits.
She whined about how there was so much competition.
She moaned about how she was giving her talent away for free.
I could barely get a word in and when I did, I had to continually interrupt her (ugh).
It made me sad because this designer is very talented.
She has won several significant design awards and been featured in local publications.
In addition, she has a loving husband, a beautiful home (that has also won design awards), and an adorable pooch.
She is healthy, throws fabulous parties regularly, and is
an active member of her community.
Yet, all she can see is impossibility and why things won't work, instead of possibility and how they will.
I could have provided strategy, systems, and much more; she was deaf to it.
Her mindset was shrouded in self sabotage; she was being blindsided by her limiting beliefs.
So I left her with a question to answer, just one.
"Who do you have to be to get what you want?"
Now, I'm not looking for someone else's name or a title here. (You don't have to be anyone else.)
Instead I want you to write down qualities, characteristics, values, and
actions.
Please don't leave these words running around in that gorgeous heads of yours, write them down.
Once you've done that, ask yourself this question.
"Who am I being right now?"
And jot down the words that come to mind.
Where change occurs is when you see the GAP between the two.
You may be caught up, as this designer was, in wondering what you need to do to make a change.
She said, "I don't know how to change; I don't know how to improve."
The reality is that no amount of what or how would have the slightest impact until she changes
who she is.
I had a mentor ask me this a couple of years ago.
I was in a sticky spot in my business and my attitude was pretty negative.
Do you know that "yeah, but" place?
(Where whatever someone says to you, you say "yeah, but" and deliver excuse after excuse or roadblock after roadblock?)
And when he asked me "who do you need to be to get what you want," I answered immediately.
I knew instantly who I needed to be, and you will too.
Then he paused, and didn't even need to ask me the second question (hey, I am a coach and mentor myself.)
I had one of those total epiphanies because I realized I was busy
being the direct opposite of that.
(No wonder I wasn't getting what I wanted, YIKES!)
I felt awkward (it seemed so obvious) and grateful because it is rare to have someone ask just one question that changes your entire world and YOU.
And now when I feel myself sliding (I conquer long term depression daily) I ask myself the one question. Then
I weigh by answer against my current behavior.
Inevitably, I need to shift who I am to get more of what I want.
If you'll do this simple and quick exercise, I guarantee it will open your eyes to a new way of being.
If you'd like help with that, please get in touch by replying to this email.
There is nothing that thrills me more than working with clients who want to change, who want to pursue the path of possibility.
Mega Hugs,
Melissa
PS. Oh, and in case you are wondering about that designer, she has an invitation to work with me when she is ready for mentorship. She isn't ready right now, so I gave her this simple strategy to help her get ready. If
you're ready, let's talk, just reply to this email.
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